Listen, I know it’s hard.
We want to protect our boys forever. We want only what’s best for them. When things are hard for our boys, we want to take away all their pain, and then some. We want to give them back their happy. Times one million.
It’s only natural. We are their moms after all.
I had a recent such experience with my 5 year old.
My 5 year old currently attends a Christian Pre-K program, which meets four days a week in the mornings in preparation for Kindergarten next fall.
Unlike my oldest son, my 5 year old has a secret sensitive side. He is a pure mama’s boy through and through. He routinely tells me that he wishes he could just spend the day with me, all day long, and that he will never have to go anywhere else.
It both makes me happy and tears my heart to tiny pieces.
Because of this, Pre-K has been a little tough this year. We moved back in November, and that seemed to throw everything out of whack for my sensitive boy. Since that time, to say he has struggled with going to preschool might be an understatement. He often complains of serious stomach aches in the morning, thinking that he is going to throw up (and sometimes he actually does). He cries when we leave to drive to preschool. And a few times he has become completely hysterical when it comes time to drop him off at the door.
Needless to say it deeply hurts this mom-heart. There are times when I struggle not to cry right along with him because I can see the desperation in his eyes.
I question what I’m doing as a mom, if I’m making the right decisions for him as he’s begging me not to go. I want to hold him and protect him and wipe his tears and make it all go away. I want to tell him that of course, mommy will never leave him. I want to rock him and keep him my baby forever and ever.
Being a mother often forces us to take a long, painful look into the depths of our own heart.
It forces us to look outside of our own wants, needs, and desires. It stretches us to set aside the comfort we may be seeking, masked in what we think they need, and do what’s best for them. Hot, painful, needles to the heart and all.
But at the root of the matter, as moms that want what’s the absolute best for our babies, we know what’s right. We know that sometimes the toughest decision is the right decision.
Because, dear mom, motherhood is the continual process of letting go.
And it hurts.
God gives us these precious gifts – these helpless, beautiful babies – and tells us to nurture them, grow them, provide for them, and protect them.
And then let them go.
So I pack my hurting, anxious boy into the car. I drive him to school, silently crying out to God the whole way – for strength for me, strength for my boy, and for peace and comfort all around. I wipe his tears and tell him that I love him SO much, that it’s going to be okay. I pass him off to the capable, loving hands of the trained professionals that are his teachers.
And I walk away.
How have you been learning to let go as a mother?
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